Why I Haven't Posted

So I had a really crappy weekend. I had a meltdown at work on Monday. And I was in such a foul mood still yesterday that I called off sick from work. Today, I'm a lot better, but I wasn't sure I'd get there.

I'll keep it as short as possible. I know some of you probably hate reading about this stuff, and I've been very diligent about not mentioning it in my blog. So if you don't want to read about my current infertility woes, don't read the middle, just skip to the P.S.

We started a whole new treatment last month. New doctor, new drugs, new theories on why I keep miscarrying babies. I'm up to 5. Yeah. Our old insurance (before the new year) was covering almost all of my doctor visits and procedures. We were only paying for the drugs and while they were expensive ($400) it was still feasible for our income.

We switched to new insurance in 2008 and assumed that the way things were being billed, we'd still be covered. We were wrong. We received a bill in the mail this weekend for over $1000 in doctor bills for January. To make matters worse, the cycle of drugs didn't work and the same day we got the bills, I got my period. On top of that, (still the same day) I called to order another set of drugs, still thinking we might be able to afford all of this. The new price on the drugs...$1000. A month. So this is our last month to try fertility drugs to help us stay pregnant.

Needless to say, I was devastated. Unless we can come up with the money each month, there is no way we can afford $2000 a month for this. We've calculated that over the last three years, we've spent close to $20,000 on trying to have a baby. And we've failed 5 times. To add insult to injury, two of my girlfriends just announced their pregnant with their SECOND child. I started trying for my first baby before they did.

It's just been a really rough week. I spent most of the weekend in tears. Monday I went to work and tried to get through the day but got a call from the doctor's office and had a very negative conversation with their billing lady. She was incredibly rude to me and I ended up having to step out into the hall so my kids wouldn't see me crying. I calmed myself down and made it through the rest of the day, but it was rough.

Things have started to look a little brighter. Jessica got me a naked man calendar and stuck in under the tire of my car today. We also found out we're actually going to get a small refund on our taxes. And Kendall talked to one of his bosses today and they might let him moonlight so that we can make the money each month to keep doing treatment, or at least save up a lot faster to get back to it.

So that's why I haven't posted this week. There was nothing good to post about. I'm in a good enough place now to share that with you. I'm throwing Jessica's baby shower this weekend and I know it might be a little rough since there will be very few people there who don't have kids now, but Jess has promised me that she'll understand if I'm quiet. And I promised her I would be the best hostess I could.

Okay, now for the funniest part of my day.......

P.S. I found out today that Morrie has been eating his own sh*t out of the yard. I actually caught him doing it. And man, when I say his breath smelled like ass, I really mean it.

I Had a 3 Day Work Week *smirk*

So I got a call tonight that we're closed tomorrow. Just our building. There is a gas line issue and we have no heat. SWEET! Our building is 100 years old. We use a BOILER to heat the building. It's so old they don't make parts for it anymore. When a part breaks we either pray that someone still sells the old parts (like searching for a vintage car) or they have to hire someone to come out and make a mold of the part and remake one out of new materials. Not a cheap thing to do. We actually have two boilers. We only run one at a time in case one breaks.

But I guess this is a main pipe issue.

So three day work week for me! And another 3 day weekend....can I hope for Monday off as well???? I'm so greedy.....*grin*

"New And Improved"...yeah right!

So I was at the store today buying cereal when I came across a box of Trix. I haven't had Trix in years, so I picked some up. I always like reading the boxes. Not for the nutritional content, but just to see what kind of crazy things they put on there to entertain kids. Today's box said, "New shape! Same great taste!" I looked to see what the "new shape" was, thinking to myself, how could Trix get a new shape? They're already shaped like fruit.

They're now round little balls, like Kix, and Coco Puffs. I'm sure you immediately thought the same thing I did. "Wait a minute! They were already round before they were fruit!" Yeah. When we were kids Trix were just like Kix. And then when they changed to fruit shapes, that was the new craze. Suddenly, they're going back to the old shape and calling it new! What a scam.

Not the most fascinating of posts, but still more interesting than, "I laid around in my pjs all day yesterday."

Thanks for the words of support. All of the 8th grade teachers are going to the Prayer Vigil tonight at the local catholic church. Rumor has it there could be hundreds of people. Rumor also has it that there will be crazy media coverage.

How tacky. I hope they leave the people attending alone.

We talked to the kids about it today very briefly. We told them that "T" was going through a very difficult time and that the best thing they could do was respect her privacy. Not bombard her with questions. Just let her know that they cared and were there for her. We cautioned students that the media would most likely be at the service and that if they were uncomfortable with that, they shouldn't attend.

And then one kid raised his hand and said something that should raise a question in all our minds. "Why did the news camp outside of their house waiting from them to come out? Don't they respect their privacy?" I told him that the news likes to sensationalize things. They want the "good story". And that unfortunately, sometimes they didn't know when to leave people alone.

And it made me think, am I a jerk for reading People magazine and the Internet when it comes to famous people? Aren't I doing just that, butting into people's lives? I don't know. I think maybe the difference for me is that Hollywood chose to put themselves in the public eye. Our student's family did not. Thoughts?

I can't stop reading the news about this story. (See post right below this.) I get these small respites from thinking about it and then suddenly, it hits me again. It's such a strong reminder of how much I care about kids. These are the kind of things that remind me that I'm in the right job. That this is where I'm supposed to be. Teaching kids and caring for them. I wish I could tell her how sorry I am for what she's going through. Kids shouldn't have to deal with these kinds of things. It's plastered all over the news. Everytime I open CNN there's a new update. A hole found in the suspects back yard with human remains. Blood. In his own back yard........sick sick sick. What is WRONG with people?

We're studying Anne Frank at school right now, and today, of all days, we read the line where Anne says, "...in spite of it all, I still believe people are good at heart". I had this girl sitting in my class while we talked about how hard that would be to believe in the face of great tragedy. I hope that she remembers our class today and what we talked about. Maybe that's why we did. God knew.

I don't know if you've been following the story about the missing pregnant marine, but she's dead.

And I teach her little sister.

And I found out her sister was dead before she did.

And I had to stand there and watch her leave a classroom with no knowledge that in minutes someone was going to tell her the news.

My head hurts. My heart hurts. I can't stop thinking about it.

Please pray for that family.

Namaste

So I really like my yoga class. I've gone twice now and both times felt like I was getting a nice, low impact workout. And my back feels great when I leave! I'm so zen. HAHA.

The only thing I don't like, looking at my bare, ugly feet the whole session! I haven't had a pedicure in FOREVER...so I'm treating myself to one tomorrow! :)

I just have to make it through the work day and then I can enjoy an hour of someone rubbing my legs and feet and painting them a pretty color. Ahhhhhh!

Time for a Quickie

Just a couple.....

1. I got a KICK ASS new cell phone over my break. Yeah. It's super sweet. I can make my own ringones for free now.

2. I joined the YMCA, the first step in my goal of losing weight. (Resolution #2) I also signed up for a twice a week Yoga class. I feel like that will help me with my inner zen. :)

3. I was in a totally bitchy mood last night and didn't want to go to work today. I kept shuffling around the house mumbling about how I didn't want break to end and how much I wanted to be a housewife. Then I got up this morning and went into work and the day flew by! It was great!

4. We had some new friends over to the house Saturday night and had a great time. We find it flattering that when people actually come to hang out at our new place they say they don't want to leave. It's happened to us 3 times now. It means one of two things: Our house is fun, or we are fun. Maybe it's both!

More later....time to go read some more of my trashy romance novel (Resolution #7) before heading to another new friend's house for the game tonight. I love making new friends! :)

GO BUCKS!