Resolutions for 2008

1. I WILL have a baby by next Christmas, even if I have to kidnap one from Walmart when a stupid mom isn't looking. I'm tired of celebrating holidays without my own family. If you know anyone that wants to give away a baby, you give them my phone number.
2. I want to lose 20 pounds by 2009. That seems like a realistic goal. Once the weather gets nice Kendall and I plan to start building up to long bike rides. Between that, walking the dogs, and joining the YMCA with Jamie, I should be able to do it. I know it seems cliche to put this on a list of resolutions, but I really feel like I need to do this.
3. I will have at least half of our credit card debt paid off by 2009. This has been hanging over our heads for the last 7 years. We need our medical school debt GONE. Anyone want to make a donation?
4. I will redo our first floor bathroom. The toilet has already been replaced. The wallpaper is going, the fixtures will be replaced with some pretty brushed nickle, and I will hand a new mirror.
5. I will get a new car. Preferrably something KICKASS. That makes me look like the rockstar I truely am.
6. I will learn how to play my bass guitar.
7. I will read at least 12 new trashy romance novels. A minimum of one a month. *grin*
8. I will have gone through at least half of the boxes still hiding in storage in my basement and either sell, pitch, or give away what's in them.
9. I will ride my bike 15 miles in one day.
10. I will try to remember to be greatful for the things I already have when I am feeling down and like I have nothing.

Holiday Thursday Thirteen

I could probably write a novel about what happened with my holidays, but I'm going to try to sum it up in thirteen things....since it IS a Thursday and all....:)

Thirteen Things that Happened Over My Christmas

1. I got some of the most random gifts. I made a list, I checked it twice, I even thought I'd been pretty nice. And yet the Erdahls still don't get me. It's frustrating, and I'm sure Martha will yell at me, but I don't like pink bowling shoes. And they don't make any sense to buy them if you don't logically get the bag I asked for as well. Buying me another set of dominoes that I already own just seems silly. We did, however, get a 32 inch LCD tv for our bedroom. Yes, you read correctly, it's for our bedroom. It's obscenely large, and I LOVE IT. I watched Snoop Dogg's Fatherhood on it all day on Christmas Eve. But I digress.....
2. My sister-in-law was much better than we anticipated. She was upset over a couple of things (MUCH too dramatic to tell the whole tale here) and we were all anticipating a very cranky Natalie. She did pretty well. I only had to yell at her once. :)
3. Kendall got a basketball hoop. He's been asking for one for over a year. He was happy.
4. His [Kendall's] cousin Wyatt told me I was the coolest English teacher he had ever met. I told him that while I was flattered, it probably helped that I wasn't his English teacher. HA!
5. We had a barely white Christmas Eve morning. By noon we were destined for a green Christmas. Kind of sad really.
6. Dathan did ZERO work over the last three days. We hosted Kendall's aunt and uncle from Colorado at our house and the whole family came over each day. I couldn't even get him to dry a plate! Oh wait, he did serve the pre-sliced ham to everyone while we sat at the table. Does that count as work?
7. I learned that my house really is a kick ass place for entertaining.
8. The dogs got some awesome new grunting toys.
9. My next door neighbor had her baby FOUR weeks early. She's an adorable 6 pound baby named Maria Giulia. Jamie (the mommy) jinxed herself because she was adamant that she was going to celebrate Christmas without the new baby. She's so funny. Now that Giulia is here she's happy, but it was hilarious to see karma bite her in the ass. *grin*
10. I got a light up moose for my front yard for next year. My mom was nice enough to go out to Target the morning after Christmas and got the last one for me. She promised me that she only knocked over one little old lady to get it. Any more than that and I would have felt guilty about getting it. They didn't have any left at our Target. It's not inflatable. It's one of those lovely grapevine and wire jobs that has a motorized head.
11. I bought myself High School Musical 2 and I'm not ashamed to admit that. And if I don't get HSM I'll buy that too.
12. We gorged ourselves on so many sweets the last 4 days that I can't even look at a Christmas cookie without gagging a little now. I've never done that before!
13. My babies had to go to the vet today to get their teeth cleaned. I was worried they were going to die from the anesthesia but they both came out of it fine. The vet did have to pull 3 more of Morrie's incisors, which leads me to believe he no longer has an front teeth. Poor old boy. I'll try to take a picture later in the week so you can see what it looks like. My poor little Gums McGee.......

Not a very exciting list, but an informative one. And it saved me from writing ridiculously long paragraphs where I digressed and got too cranky. :) I'm planning on making a New Year's Resolution List when we get back from Cleveland. We're leaving tomorrow and coming back Monday.

Since I won't probably post until after the New Year begins, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Merry Christmas

Made Out Like Bandits!

So I think I mentioned last Christmas that my kids brought me some gifts. While I didn't get quite the same quantity as last year, I still got quite a few things and I was once again touched at how thoughtful my kids can be. This list this year includes a gift certificate to Subby's, a set of ceramic Christmas bowls, and a teddy bear dipped in cinnamon scented candle wax (which I'd never heard of before but is a totally cool concept). I also got lots of goodies.

Kendall also got a ridiculous amount of gifts. His list includes:
1. A HUGE box of candy imported from Maine
2. Several other small boxes of chocolate
3. A pie
4. A box of Mediterranean Pastries and other cookies
5. 4 Angus Beef filets from Honeybaked Ham (yeah, I was SUPER excited to see that box on the steps!)
6. A stuffed dog
7. GODIVA
8. A bottle of wine

Most of the stuff came from other doctors in the area. Kendall says it's because they are thanking him for referrals. Hell, he can keep referring....cause I love this stuff!

I wonder if we'll get anything else......I know, I sound so greedy! I just get excited to get packages in the mail!

A Series of Letters

Oh the weather outside is frightful....so I thought I'd write a few quick notes to some people....

Dear White Ford Contour,
As I watched you pass me at 70 miles per hour in the fast lane covered in snow, I just knew you were going to have a bad day....and you did, five minutes later when I watched you shoot across 3 lanes of slick roads and smash into a sound barrier wall at high speeds. Maybe you would still have the front of your car if you hadn't thought you were such a beast.

Dear Miami County ODOT,
I love you. Thank you for making sure my roads are clear and salted. In advance. It's almost like you're a northern Ohio county. But you're not. Which makes me love you more for trying so hard. And I will gladly get out of your way any time you want to keep plowing and salting.

Dear Montgomery County ODOT,
You suck.

Dear Semi Truck Drivers,
Just because you weigh several tons, it does not mean that your truck cannot slide across the ice like a hockey puck just like mine. See above letter to Ford Contour if you don't believe me.

Dear Jeep Liberty, Honda CRV, Ford Escape, and all other tiny "SUV"s,
Just because your name has the word "Utility" in it does not mean you are allowed to drive at high speeds in snow. You were built on a car body. Not a truck body. Therefore, you are a car. Which also means you are a poser SUV. I'm sorry to hurt your feelings. But you are. On the remote possibility that you have 4x4 as an option, just note, you are still a car. You just have 4x4.

Dear all 4x4/AWD vehicles,
Please remember that this feature only helps you get out of the ditch that you spun or slid into. It does not prevent you from going into said ditch. Even if you believe that it does.

And finally....

Dear People born beneath the 39th parallel,
Just because you've driven in snow 5 times in your life does not mean you are an expert in snow. Unless you have driven in snow on consecutive days in consecutive weeks, you are not an expert. Which means you should SLOW DOWN. If I am only going 40 miles an hour on the highway it is because I HAVE driven in snow on a daily basis before. And I understand that there is a certain speed at which your tires start to spin out and get away from you. Also, a reminder that slamming on your brakes is dangerous and ineffective. You are trying to avoid an accident, not create one, which heavy braking will do. It is much easier to let off the gas and coast. Which means you actually have to allow a safe distance. Which I know is difficult for many people. Please just stay home if you can't follow the rules of snow driving ettiquette.



Sincerely,
A born and raised Clevelander

10 Rules About Christmas Lights

1. If you're going to put lights in a tree, go all the way to the top. Don't just stop half way up the tree because you can't reach anymore. Commit to the job! Finish it with a pole or a ladder.
2. Stick to one style of lights. Don't try to do the cheap lights from Big Lots with some fancy LED things. It just makes your Big Lots lights look even cheaper.
3. Blow up Santas and snowmen should not be scary looking. If it frightens small children, don't put it out.
4. Don't use orange extension cords up the side of your house. While I can't see them at night, I have to stare at them during the daylight. And it bothers me.
5. If you're going to put out lights, make sure you put out enough lights. Don't just put lights on one tree or bush. If that's all you can afford to do, that's cool, at least pick a tree or bush that is logical and makes sense. Not just some random one in the left corner of your yard.
6. This one is from the hubby: the general rule for Ohio is that you should put out white lights if there is no snow. If you have snow on a consistent basis, you are allowed to have colored lights. Colored lights only look good against snow.
7. Net lights. Either get several sets that completely cover the bush or tree or don't bother to use them at all. Having a giant blank spot on your bush just looks bad.
8. Baby Jesus should not flash. There should be no flashing lights involved with The Nativity. I somehow doubt that there was a light show the night he was born. And if there was, it was a shower of stars. Keep it tasteful. Jesus deserves some classy lighting.
9. If your light display starts to give me a seizure, it's blinking too fast.
10. Put the damn things on a timer. If your lights are still on at lunch time you just look dumb. Plus, you're wasting energy. And Al Gore wouldn't appreciate that.

15 Minute Lunch

I'm totally addicited to reading this guy's blog now. Ever since the JCPenny entry that Sarah shared, I've added his blog to my favorites. I read it every day. And he seriously writes some funny shit.

So, if you're ever bored and want another blog to read, go to 15 Minute Lunch.

The most recent entry deals with Lunesta. It's pretty damn funny if you ask me.

Thursday Thirteen- Things I've Forgotten to Blog About

1. The 60 year old man who was SAGGING his pants!!!!! Seriously, I could see his entire tighty whitey covered ass when he picked up his winter coat! Kendall and I were sitting and waiting at a Compunet to get labwork drawn. I couldn't stop laughing. And I think the whole room knew why....except saggy pants man!

2. Speaking of the lab....Kendall and I are finally having genetic testing done to see if our chromosomes match up. This way we'll see if we even need to continue treatment. If we don't match, IVF will be our only option. Anyone want to donate 15,000 dollars????


3. New doctor- we are now seeing a new fertility specialist. Same office, younger guy. GREAT doctor, so far....he's completely changing my treatment. It's a lot more expensive, but we are hopeful. Keep us in your prayers. We're almost out of a savings account. Seriously. We've probably already spent 10 g's over the last 3 years.


4. Our EXTREME POWER over the neighborhood- we've decided that we must be in charge of our block now. Because it seems that any time we do something, our neighbors do it to. For example: We rake leaves, 3 other neighbors will get out and do it. We mow, ditto. We put up white Christmas lights, double ditto. We're starting to feel powerful....what to do next....giant plastic snowmen for the roofs? Hehehe.....


5. My new Dyson vaccum. Yes, you should be jealous. I got a 439 dollar vaccum for 200 dollars. It's AMAZING what it pulls out of your carpet. If you don't have a Dyson, you should want one. I'll have to take a picture of the canister when I've finished vacuuming the whole house.


6. The light display down the road from us- I have got to get a picture of this house. It's got to have close to 500,000 plus lights. And they keep adding! So I keep waiting to take the picture!


7. My snow day. Yes I had one, and yes you're jealous. We're hoping for another one tomorrow. 3 more inches of snow anyone?


8. My closet is broken. An entire shelf unit ripped out o the drywall on me. It was awful. I had just finished reorganinzing the whole thing. Everything was neatly folded. Stacked. Then all of the sudden, on the floor and me. I cried. We're now looking at cheap closet systems. With wooden shelves.


9. Driveways=convenient=extra shoveling=extra ice=3 bags of rock salt. RIDICULOUS!!!!!


10. I am going to be on the negotiating team for our union contract this year. I'm really excited about it. I get to see how the whole process works and rumor has it this year sparks might fly. We want a bigger raise. That's never an easy process. I can't WAIT!!! (No seriously, I'll get all the dirt before anyone else. :)


11. I mentioned a while back that I skipped my 10 year high school reunion. I decided it wasn't worth the 50 bucks a person they wanted. To see jerks. I found out that not a lot of people went. That made me feel better. Even the jerks didn't want to see other jerks.


12. We had to have the home warranty people out to the house to fix two electrical outlets and two toilets. The guy was here for 3 hours and only ended up fixing one thing. He is coming back tomorrow to completely replace one toilet and use a new tool to find where the circuit is broken for the plugs. He also may have to cut several holes in my drywall to fix it. And they don't even have to replace it. The warranty doesn't cover it. SUCK. But we need it fixed because the hottub stopped working and started to freeze over. We have it plugged into our kitchen wall right now. Totally ghetto. The cord comes through a window and we have towels and tape over it.


13. This is my house. The pictures aren't the greatest, but you get the general idea. Just think bright white lights.

Oh, It's Coming....

So the picture at the top of my blog is the "Runner up" Christmas card this year. I just got the winner in the mail today.....so.....it's coming. I plan to have them all mailed by Friday. So you better start watching your mailbox.

I don't have addresses for the following people:

Sarah W (I need your new one again- Sorry!)
Jen J
Martha
Anne
Sarah F ( I closed the IM box you sent it to me in!!!!! Send it again! Sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!)
So if you want a card....you need to email me your address.

I Have a Serious Case of the Mondays.

Here is a list of things I'd like to bitch about today.

1. I didn't want to get up and go to work this morning.
2. This weather is retarded. It was 50 yesterday. It barely broke 30 today. There will be snow on the ground by midweek according to the weather man.
3. I am taking a new pill this month that makes me dizzy in the morning if I don't eat enough. This morning I had to sit at my desk for 15 minutes before it went away.
4. My sub from Friday was an idiot.
5. My 4th period kids refused to volunteer for parts to read in the play from the textbook. I told them that if I didn't have volunteers by tomorrow I was going to make them read the whole thing by themselves. They're so lazy!!!!!!!!!
6. My husband forgot to pack the salad dressing for my lunch today. I had to go buy a school lunch.
7. My egg salad sandwich from the school lunch had one slice of white and one slice of wheat bread affixed!
8. I had to yell at a kid this afternoon about making fun of the kid next to him on the spelling pretest.
9. I really don't like my coworkers this year. This is the first time in 4 years that I've really felt like that. I think one of them is purposely not talking to me, but I refuse to confront them. They suck.
10. My stomach is growling, it wants to eat. I have to wait til Kendall brings me something to the basketball game tonight.
11. My sister in law in ruining Christmas. She is being difficult about when we celebrate. It's making everyone miserable. And I'm totally calling her out on it if she pouts at my dinner table on Christmas Day.
12. I have no desire to go Christmas shopping.
13. I still have 3 weeks until my winter break starts.
14. My kids have donated a total of 9 cans for the food drive this year. Last year I had over a thousand. My kids suck.
15. I came home and had to clean up both poop and vomit off my floor. First the poop, which had obviously been sitting there for a while because it was hard and crusty and STUCK to my floor. Then Maggie vomited...when I ran out of paper towels from scrubbing the poop up.
16. Several of our outdoor plugs have decided to short circuit and out hot tub is now in the process of freezing. Yeah. Kendall and his brother are out their trying to fix it right now.
17. I feel fat, ugly, lazy, tired, cranky, and overall very bamhumbugish.

In short, I think I need a snow day.

Update: My very nice husband brought me a roast beef sandwich to the basketball game. And Anne's story about a kid vomiting on her desk today made me feel a little bit better about my work. But I still really don't want to go to work tomorrow.