Oh the weather outside is frightful....so I thought I'd write a few quick notes to some people....
Dear White Ford Contour,
As I watched you pass me at 70 miles per hour in the fast lane covered in snow, I just knew you were going to have a bad day....and you did, five minutes later when I watched you shoot across 3 lanes of slick roads and smash into a sound barrier wall at high speeds. Maybe you would still have the front of your car if you hadn't thought you were such a beast.
Dear Miami County ODOT,
I love you. Thank you for making sure my roads are clear and salted. In advance. It's almost like you're a northern Ohio county. But you're not. Which makes me love you more for trying so hard. And I will gladly get out of your way any time you want to keep plowing and salting.
Dear Montgomery County ODOT,
You suck.
Dear Semi Truck Drivers,
Just because you weigh several tons, it does not mean that your truck cannot slide across the ice like a hockey puck just like mine. See above letter to Ford Contour if you don't believe me.
Dear Jeep Liberty, Honda CRV, Ford Escape, and all other tiny "SUV"s,
Just because your name has the word "Utility" in it does not mean you are allowed to drive at high speeds in snow. You were built on a car body. Not a truck body. Therefore, you are a car. Which also means you are a poser SUV. I'm sorry to hurt your feelings. But you are. On the remote possibility that you have 4x4 as an option, just note, you are still a car. You just have 4x4.
Dear all 4x4/AWD vehicles,
Please remember that this feature only helps you get out of the ditch that you spun or slid into. It does not prevent you from going into said ditch. Even if you believe that it does.
And finally....
Dear People born beneath the 39th parallel,
Just because you've driven in snow 5 times in your life does not mean you are an expert in snow. Unless you have driven in snow on consecutive days in consecutive weeks, you are not an expert. Which means you should SLOW DOWN. If I am only going 40 miles an hour on the highway it is because I HAVE driven in snow on a daily basis before. And I understand that there is a certain speed at which your tires start to spin out and get away from you. Also, a reminder that slamming on your brakes is dangerous and ineffective. You are trying to avoid an accident, not create one, which heavy braking will do. It is much easier to let off the gas and coast. Which means you actually have to allow a safe distance. Which I know is difficult for many people. Please just stay home if you can't follow the rules of snow driving ettiquette.
Sincerely,
A born and raised Clevelander
8 comments:
AMEN! You can add Warren Co ODOT to the Thank you list from me... Mont Co SUCKS!
~Another homegrown Clevelander/Norther Ohioer
hehehe.
One thing I have noticed driving in snow in the midwest: Why is it those WITH AWD/4 wheel drive often drive slower than the 2wd vehicles?
My driving annoyance letter of the day:
PEDESTRIANS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY WHEN THEY ARE WALKING WITH THE GREEN LIGHT, IN A CROSSWALK. Please don't speed in my path and hope (I hope they hoped) I jump out of your way.
SOUTHERN OH DRIVERS ARE terrible!!! YOU'D THINK WE'D BE USED TO SNOW (OR RAIN) BY NOW.....
Amen...sent with a smile from a Chicago girl, who is thankful that there are far fewer stupid snow drivers here than in southern Ohio.
As a transplated Texan now living with Yankee winters, I fully appreciate your post.
Oh yea. As boring as southern Ohio is, take note the number of people who live there who are not from there. Then it's not the southern Ohio drivers you need to be irritated at. I've had this conversation numerous times, where people bitch about the local drivers, and, as I look around, I realize - only 15-20% of the people in the conversation are locals. Therefor, it's the damn foreigners who actually suck at driving. :)
It's like people up here whining about going to California and how they drive - but then you find out there's a lot of Californians up here (therefor what they're actually used to "at home", and (at least in San Diego) a lot of Oregonians down there. So REALLY, they're bitching about the Oregonian drivers in CA...
Okay, so I'll revise my last letter to:
Dear people born near the 39th parallel and below,
Hehehe.....
I'm amused with your change. Mainly b/c I am obsessed with the sign (south of Portland, somewhere near Salem?) that states the 45th parallel and, depending on which direction you're going, whether you're going closer to the Equator or North Pole. I am amused with living closer to the North Pole. Yet I don't get much snow...hmmmm.
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