Quick Update

We've had a really crazy schedule around here. Family has been in and out of the house over the last two weeks. We had a great Christmas. It was so nice to finally feel like a complete family at the holidays. A huge hole has finally been filled.

We've had a relatively easy time of it. Max sleeps several hours at a time in between feedings. He typically doesn't get cranky about much, usually just eating.

I feel like things are just crazy busy, even if I'm not doing that much each day. So I just wanted to post that things are going great and we're really happy...and really tired. :) I'll leave with a picture I took today.

P.S.

I've lost all but TWO of my baby weight pounds. :)

Finally Feels Like Christmas

Because of Max's birth, things haven't felt very holidayish around here. Sure we have the trees (We have 4. Yes, 4.) up and the garland on the banister. The presents are slowly being wrapped and put under the tree. But really, our whole lives have revolved around an infant the last 13 days. Between the hospital stay and recovery and a steady stream of visitors, we really haven't had the opportunity to make it feel like Christmas here.

Tonight we have a fire blazing, Christmas music playing, and we're making candies and cookies. It FINALLY feels like Christmas. :) Kendall has the whole week off and we're planning on sleeping in every day (in between our three hour feedings of course) and bumming around. We plan on having a fire every day. It helps that we have a ridiculous amount of firewood. :)

It just feels nice to be home right now. And to know that this Christmas we won't be alone. :) Thank you Lord Baby Jesus.

My Daily Crying Moment

Just a quickie here...

Today's moment of tears: I was sitting in the chair by our Christmas tree, holding Max, and I looked down into his sweet little face while he was frowning up at me and make cute little faces, when I realized that some day he was going to grow up and be a man. And that he wouldn't need me anymore...just like Kendall doesn't need his mom anymore because he has me. And I cried because I knew that I would remember this moment of his first Christmas season, when was just a tiny baby in my arms.

And writing this just made me cry again! :P

Roller Coaster

So I'm still surfing the postpartum wave of emotions. It's okay. I'm not like crazy depressed or anything, I just find myself at moments feeling extremely overwhelmed or extremely sad. Sometimes I cry for no reason, sometimes I feel like my reason is very valid.

My most overwhelming emotion is guilt. I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling. Is it like something that invades your body the second your kid is born? I feel guilty if I didn't catch his poopy diaper right away and he had to sit in it for even 30 seconds. But then I also feel guilty if I hear him poop, right after I just changed his diaper mind you, and I let him sit in it for a few more seconds to make sure he's DONE pooping. I feel guilty if Kendall has to spend an hour awake at night calming him down so I can sleep. In turn I feel guilty if I then sleep after Kendall leaves for work for the day. I feel guilty if he doesn't burp every time he eats. Guilt is the most overwhelming emotion.

At the opposite end of the spectrum, I also feel extremely happy. I find myself at multiple times during the day thinking how great my dogs, my kid, and my husband are. I have great friends who are bringing us food and sending us cards and calling to make sure we're doing okay. Yesterday Jessica helped me fold clothes for almost 2 hours and didn't judge me for the size of the laundry pile. :) My kid smiles (even if they're not "real" yet) after he poops, he loves watching the Christmas lights on the tree in the living room, and he gets the hiccups almost as frequently outside of the womb as he did inside. But now I can actually see and hear them. :)

Life is pretty good, even if I am tired and my kid has pooped through his diaper onto his clothes three times this week. :) I just hope I'm not boring you guys with my kid. I don't really have anything else to blog about right now. My last 10 days have been all about him. And that's okay. I'll leave you with some pictures....right after I change ANOTHER poopy diaper! Just click on the picture below.

Max

Picnik.com

There's this website that another friend of mine found called picnik.com. You can do lots of fun things to photos. This was my first try at it. I thought it turned out pretty cute. The best part is that it's easy and I can make photos like this and scrapbook them and it's a million times easier for uncrafty people like me! Or I can just have a really fun photo album.

Oh, and my dad bought us an AWESOME new Epson printer. I've already printed off like 15 photos and they look just as good as if I'd ordered them at Walmart or Click. :) This helped after my meltdown.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I've only been a mom for a week and half of that time was spent at the hospital with lots of help!

Mini Meltdowns

So pregnancy hormones are still trying to leak out and I get these little melt downs every once in a while. Sometimes I feel stupid because I know it's just the hormones and I'm crying for no really good reason. But I felt like today's was totally justified.

My mom took me to the hospital to get Max's billi levels checked again. He's been wearing the UV light and we needed his levels to go under 12 in order to stop the light. It's a real pain in the ass to use because he can't wear it while feeding and you have to make sure to keep it out of his eyes so he doesn't go blind. At night I've been making Kendall get up to check and make sure he's still alive while wearing it.

While at the hospital, I decided to check in with the lactation consultant because my one nipple has started to crack and bleed and I know that can't be right. I wanted to get some suggestions. When she saw it she told me I needed to stop feeding off of it and give it at least 24 hours "rest" and should pump. She called the rental store and they told her they had a pump. So we rush over there because little Max hadn't eaten in like 4 hours. When we get there....no pump. They gave the last one away. ARGH!!!! I leave the store in tears.

On top of that, about a million different parts of my body hurt right now. My boobs, my incision, my right hand from the carpal tunnel, my bottom (TMI ALERT: I have like 50 zits from the stupid diapers they make you wear!!!!), and I was hungry. There wasn't time to eat before we needed to leave for the lab work. So I just couldn't take it anymore and started bawling in the car. I told my mom to take me home because I was a bad mother for letting my kid go over 4 hours without eating and if one more part of my body started to hurt I was going to scream.

We stopped and got Panera to go for lunch and I finally calmed down after eating and feeding Max off the one boob that's ok. My mom is out at Target right now buying the pump I registered for. And my kid is sleeping in my lap on his "Karen blanket" that they brought when they came to visit the other night. Ask Karen about the blanket, it's a cute story. She meant to bring me a "Lisa blanket" but really, in actuality she brought me a Karen one. :)

So after all of the running around and crying and feedings, I'm tired. I'm thinking of curling up on the Karen blanket too and trying to take a nap.....