An Up and Down Kind of Weekend- RIDICULOUSLY LONG POST

I don't even really know how to begin this post, so I guess it's best to start with the following statement: Trying to have a baby makes your life fucked up sometimes.

While most of my weekend was great, it was all dampened by the baby thing, AGAIN. I'll start with the negatives and work my ways to the positives in the hopes that by the end of the post, I'll feel better.

Negatives:
1. Baby crap. This is your warning that if it would gross you out or you're just tired of hearing about it, skip the negatives and move directly to the positives NOW. You've been warned.

2. So I started really weird spotting on day 23 of my cycle. That NEVER happens. I tried not the think about it and attribute anything to it, but how could I not? Then the cramping started on Friday. It was awful. Now I've had this happen before, 4 months ago to be exact. The last time I was pregnant. I really didn't want to think about it at that point. Saturday everything was gone and that made me feel better. Then yesterday morning I woke up to more weird brown spotting. By last night, my period had started...TWO DAYS EARLY. And that's not even the weirdest part, my period was already two days early last month. In a matter of two months time on this new drug I'm taking, I went from a 30 day cycle to a 28 day cycle to a 26 day cycle this month. WHAT THE CRAP?!?!?!!?

3. On top of all of that, I once again feel like everyone around me is having a f*cking baby. While I've obviously dealt with this several times over the past two years, it still sucks, albeit on a lesser scale now. Seriously, Karen's prego, my friend Jon told me his wife is prego, I just found out that my friend Lora is finally prego, even our f*cking waitress last night was pregnant! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!! And it has nothing to do with the actual people. It's not their fault I'm a freak. Sometimes it just feels like God is smacking me in the face with it, with a big old, "Haha, it's not you. It's everyone BUT you." I'm really find it hard to make a connection between God and a baby.

4. I came to the conclusion this morning that my life was a lot happier before I ever thought about wanting a baby. Seriously, Kendall made me happy, my dogs made me happy, I didn't have anything to worry about except my job. And even though, at the time, that sucked, at least it was something I could walk away from at the end of each day and got periodic breaks from. When you're trying to have a baby and can't, it never leaves you. Ever. You're at the grocery store and there's a reminder. You're at the mall and there's about 50 reminders being pushed around in strollers. They're EVERYWHERE. It SUCKS. I even told Kendall last night that I wished we could just time warp back to college for a while where everything was easier and the greatest of my worries was whether I had my homework done.

5. Sometimes being a grownup just plain sucks.


Positives:
1. I went shopping with the Jessica's, at the same time, and everything went relatively well. I was a little worried because of the problems between the two of them since the church rift. I kind of had a heart to heart with Jessica G-J on Thursday and I think it helped (at least me) greatly. We went to the outlet malls and found some good deals. I ended up getting several shirts for my brother at Nautica for the same price I would have paid for just one of them at a mall store.

2. Lots of great deals on Christmas gifts. Kendall and I officially finished our shopping this weekend. We ended up unexpectedly saving money everywhere we went. It was great! It started with our trip to the mall to get a giftcard for my brother's girlfriend. My mom didn't want to drive to the one Old Navy near her house because it really is an inconvenient drive, so we volunteered to go get it since we were already out. When we went to pay for it, the girl at the register said, "You get a free five dollar giftcard for yourself since you spent enough on this one!" Excellent.....We then headed to Best Buy where we ended up getting $3 off Pirates (totally unexpected) AND two free Cokes with Talledega Nights (also unexpected). On Sunday we went to Kohls to get my step mom a gift card and were greeted by their biggest sale of the weekend/century/day/hour. Don't get me started, I could write a whole blog about the ridiuclousness of Kohl's sales. But we picked up on a few good deals for ourselves in the housewares section and then found out we got an extra 15% off when we checked out if we used our Kohl's card. HECK YEAH! We never use that card, so it was an excellent deal for us.

3. Kendall's article, which I already mentioned. I'm very proud of him. He says he's going to try to write a few more before he graduates in June.

4. Speaking of June...it's now only 6 months away. I can't believe the hell of medical school and residency is almost over. It's almost surreal. And I'm not even the one finishing the training. We got wind of two new opportunites, one in Kettering and one in Oakwood. He's interviewing in Troy all day tomorrow. Sometimes when I think about it, I almost get giddy.

5. We are officially finished with our Christmas shopping. Oh wait, did I already mention that, oh yeah, now I'm just rubbing it in for all you slackers.....

That really worked, I do feel a little better. Time to shower, go get my haircut, and pamper myself with a professional pedicure.