I read my friend Karen's blog today. I went back to her reflections of 2005 and found my name attached to, "Most disappointing thing of 2005". She said she was disappointed that we lost touch. I wasn't quite sure how to take the comment. Was she implying it was her fault? My fault? Karen and I have always had a "tumultuous", but also very fulfilling, friendship. We both have a tendency to jump to conclusions, so I very consciously didn't read too deeply into the comment. But it did get me thinking....
How do we lose touch with the people who used to be the most important people in our immediate universe?
I started thinking about all of the people who, at one point, were on my list of "closest friends". What's amazing, is that many of those people are now on the "occasionally spoken to" list. What influences our circle of confidates? I've come to the conclusion that it's life experiences. Those people that I am closest to right now are the ones living my life, for lack of a better way to put it.
Among the people that I've lost touch with, some of them are married, some of them already have children. Some of them are still living the single life, and some of them have never escaped the great vortex called Parma.
Where am I? I'm in the "trying-to-have-a-baby-but-failing-miserably" phase.
My single friends don't understand the stresses of marriage, let alone the idea of actually TRYING to get pregnant. Most of them are still on birth control because of the FEAR of having a baby. My married-without-children friends fit into two categories: those trying to have a baby (the only group I feel I currently connect with), and those still enjoying the idea of just being with their spouse. My "new mothers" or "soon-to-be mothers" friends are involved in the joys of their child, whether it's in their living room, or in utero. Of course none of them are feeling the way I do!
Which leads me to what I said earlier- we surround ourselves with the people who most understand our life situation. Does it mean we don't care about the people that aren't currently as close? No. It means that someday they too will understand what we already forged through, and may need the support that we find with our current friends.
Which leads me to yet another conclusion: Friendships are cyclical. Just because someone isn't as close to us now, doesn't mean they won't be again later. So, while I appreciate that Karen must have missed me this year, as others may have as well, I hope that they can all understand that while we may not have much in common right now, I still love them and they're still my friends. Someday we'll all be on the same page again.
2 comments:
Well, this is karen of the referred to blog (www.keutsler.blogspot.com)... Lisa, i posted a comment in response to your comment on mine which you can read in the mean time.
As a reflection on what you wrote here in yours... Yes, i think your comments about friendships being cyclical are correct. I'm sure if and when the time comes that i'm in your current phase you will be the one person that i can relate to most at that time and would again be my closest ally.
I also agree about how while you’re not as close to some folks as you might have been at the time it doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore – certainly the case for me too.
I think what I didn’t expand on in my writing that was truly the heart of the disappointment was that for the first time in my life I felt replaced and I learned that this is truly the worst feeling in the world (at least that I’ve experienced to date). The few times I did talk to you through the beginning/mid part of ’05 you talked about the baby plight but louder to me than that you talked about your new friends.
It was hard for me to realize that once I had been your best friend and now I was not …(I’m searching for the right word…)… understanding enough for you to call and confide in. Logically, why you didn’t turn to me makes total sense. It was just hard to swallow at the time.
What was also confusing to me at was that you didn’t feel or express the same reactions I did to your new friends. I have a bunch of friends you’ve never met and who aren’t connected to you and Kendall at all. I’m guessing in your superior maturity (I say that sincerely) you understood this evolution and reality better than I.
Now, I’m pretty much over it. I recognize and appreciate that, as you said, we’re just in different places, it just took me a while to get to this point.
Hope I didn’t offend you in my blog. I still use it more as an on-going journal than anything else, so the comment was made for my reflection rather than an indirect arrow at you. Sounds like it did one job blogs are supposed to do – make you reflect.
Hi there! I think this is an appropriate time to share something that I truly believe in (yes, I do believe in something 8).
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.
When someine is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed ouwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fufilled; their work is done. It is now time to move on.
When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It's real. But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Whether we talk daily or every 5 years, you're one of my LIFETIME friends... so you're stuck w/ me forever. 8> Good luck w/ that!
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