So I went to the doctor today. After waiting OVER an HOUR after my scheduled appointment I got the news. I'm a freak. Okay, so the doctor didn't say that. What she did say was my progesterone level was like 1.6 and then said, "You've started your period, right?" Ummmm..NO. So I guess I didn't even ovulate this month. Which makes ZERO sense since I was ovulating just fine before I took the Clomid, and now that I took it, I didn't ovulate. She said she has absolutely no idea what's wrong with me.
I basically flipped out in her office. She told me that I needed to "lower my expectations", which I promptly rebutted with, "Trust me, they're already pretty low". Then she told me to stop getting upset, and I kind of cracked. I told her I had a right to feel frustrated with my body and if I wanted to cry, I was going to cry. Then she felt bad. As she should. And told me that she feels like a failure when I cry. I told her it was not something I could stop myself from doing and that I needed her to understand that I felt the need to express my disappointment.
The only good thing that came out of the visit was that I think she finally understood that it's okay to be nice to your patients and show them you care. You don't have to tell them to be tough all the time. If there's one thing I could ask of all the people that read my blog, it's that you pray I don't have to go through this for much longer. Cause it's really starting to wear on me. I'm definitely feeling depression coming on.
So needless to say, I wasn't to even get a period this month according to her. So I have to take 12 days of progesterone pills (which is what the Clomid was SUPPOSED to make my body boost naturally) to make my period start and then I have to take the Clomid again this month. And we'll see if it works this time. I have to have blood drawn three times. Ugh. The positive? (I'm really trying to see as much positive as possible...work with me people!) She labeled all of my blood work and my appointment as ovulatory issues, so I don't have to pay for any of it out of pocket! Insurance will cover it because it's not labled infertility! So at least next month is "free".
I'll try to come up with something more upbeat for the "weekend edition"...so check back in a couple of days. For now, I'm going to eat the rest of a carton of ice cream, watch a little Must See TV, and let Kendall rub my back.
3 comments:
Hug to you. I'm sorry this has not been as successful as you were hoping. I'm keeping you and hubby in my thoughts and prayers.
sweetheart, i know this sucks. I'm sorry that it's working out this way and no, you're not a freak. at least not any more than you were 8 years ago in Marycrest. i wont' bother to tell you to smile, cause i know you won't. just try to not crack up on us. ; )
I'm really glad you gave it to that doc...she obviously needs to work on her approach, and remember to treat people with some freaking dignity. I think it sucks that she turned around and made the issues you were having all about her...it makes her feel bad? WTF? Is that some sort of moronic guilt trip? How about how YOU feel? Good luck, girl. Enjoy the ice cream.
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