So once again, this month was a bust. That makes 13 busts. It's so depressing. It seems that every time it happens, I cry less on the outside and hurt more on the inside. It starts to bubble up and I can feel it simmering inside me.

I await the news every month that someone else is pregnant. That it was their month, not mine. I look to God and I ask, "Why? Why not me? Why not this month? Am I being tested? Is this supposed to teach me something?" I try very hard to understand why God would not bless us with a child. And i try not to be angry with him. But it takes a lot of strength.

So now I will take the day to cry and mourn my own failure. Tomorrow, I will pick myself up, try to dust off the disappointment, and move forward.

A friend asked me yesterday what I was going to do. My only answer is, keep trying. Here's to try #14...I can't stay stuck in the past, I must look to the future.