Okay, sorry, I need to bitch a little bit. So I have this friend (and I use that term loosely) who got pregnant and waited until she was 5 months pregnant to tell me because she was "Afraid how I would react." That's my first issue. Now I have plenty of friends who are trying to have babies. Does it suck that they're getting pregnant and I'm not? Yes. But does it mean I'm not happy for them? No. I'm very happy when they share the good news. Maybe I get a little weepy with Kendall afterwards, but I'm always excited and supportive.
What makes this situation worse was she told me through an email. AN EMAIL! Friends don't do that! Even friends who don't talk very often don't share news like that through an email! She was hiding behind Internet text! This in itself hurt my feelings more than anything else. I tried to still be nice about it and I even offered to get together with her over the summer...which leads me to my last complaint.
This girl acts like we're still great friends and she misses me, but do I hear from her? No. Not until today. Once again through an email! Now I know that the only way I talk to some of you is through instant message and my blog, but this girl didn't even use my personal email address, she used my school one. One that most teachers don't check during the summer. It just really has me irked. More so the way she shared her baby news than anything else.
So just a word of advice....even if I haven't talked to you in person or on the phone for a while, make sure you share good news a little more personally than email. If you're brother has a kid, great, share it in your blog. If you're having a kid, you better call me personally. And it's not just about kids. If you get a dog, call me. If you get engaged, call me. If you win a million dollars, definitely call me. You get the point. I want to hear good news from my friends in person. Not through the clicking of their keyboard.
8 comments:
makes sense and i'll keep it in mind. who are we congratulating? anyone i know? hope not - they didn't call me either!
I totally agree with you. :-D
The person I'm talking about shall remain nameless. I'm confident she doesn't read my blog, but it's no one you know. Someone from work. So don't worry, you didn't miss out.
I'll flag myself for target practice here.........
Maybe you should look at her honest reason as to why she didn't tell you a little more seriously rather than just get pissed off about it.
Why did she feel that way towards you?
If someone told me that, I would step back and try to understand what they were telling me. I would try to learn from that rather than get pissed off about it.
Getting pissed doesn't help anything, it only makes things worse. And isn't that what she might have been afraid of in the first place?
I agree it's somewhat rude, but if her concern was valid, how can you really blame her?
Just food for thought.........
Wow, considering you don't know me, or the person involved it takes some real balls to say something like that. Let's just put it this way, a good friend wouldn't shield you from something, they would share it with you in the kindest way possible. And email is most definitly NOT the kindest way.
On that note, I would also ask what experience you have with infertility like mine and your own feelings on the idea that you can't conceive a child with the person you love.
Lisa,
I do know what you are going through, and I guess I'm the exact opposite. I was upset that someone would have kept it from me, because I felt that I was selfish for not being able to truly be happy for them, but I did not want to know about other people's pregnancies! I can completely understand why she would have kept this from you. Once I found out, I felt bad that they thought they had to keep it from me, but that was 5 months that I wasn't thinking about it and being envious! I had a friend who felt the need to tell me about her 5 friends that are all pregnant and I was mad at her for telling me. Granted these are people I didn't know, but why did she have to tell me? It got to a point with me that when a good friend (actually two at once) told me they were pregnant, I distanced myself from them because I couldn't take it. Every time I looked at them I was so sad for myself. Also, I may have appreciated email because then I could have time to process it and get used to it w/out being on the spot and pretending to be happy when actually I was more depressed. I think she was just trying to spare your feelings knowing how much pain you are going through right now. She probably wanted to tell you sooner, but didn't know how. I don't mean to defend her, and you feel what you feel, but this may be what was behind her email.
I'd like to talk to you soon, call my sister and email me!
Suzanne's sister
I'm sorry if I offended you here, but that wasn't my intent. It's probably left over from my divorce, but I look at myself critically whenever someone tells me something similar to what your friend told you. I take such things seriously, and I always use it to take a look at myself and who I am. I merely relayed to you how I would have looked at things in your shoes.
It certainly wasn't meant as an insult, nor as a rebuke. It was merely meant to perhaps give you a different point of view is all.
No, I've never been where you are right now. But I've dealt with a lot in my own lifetime, and I CAN understand some of the feelings you are having.
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