Life

I haven't blogged in almost 2 months. Mostly because the things I would blog about haven't been very nice and I wouldn't have been able to blog about them in a very nice way.

The short of it...I've managed to miscarry one uterine pregnancy and am now dealing with an ectopic pregnancy that fertilized at the same time....basically freakish twins. It only happens to 1 in every 35,000 women. It's been incredibly hard to deal with both emotionally and physcially.

The long of it. I spent 2 weeks FEELING pregnant. Morning sickness, tightening pants, raging hormones. No bleeding, hardly any drama. Then the bleeding started around week 6. Just spotting. No big deal. My numbers were still fine. The bleeding got heavier around 6 1/2 weeks. Panicked. Called the doctor. Wanted me to come in for an ultrasound to make sure the baby was okay. The ultrasound was heartbreaking. No baby. No heartbeat. Just a giant blob of tissue and blood that used to be my baby. My numbers had plunged. We went home to wait out the inevitable.

Just when I thought things were going to be okay and we could move on, I had lab work done again to confirm that my pregnancy hormone was at zero. It wasn't. It had jumped back up to my original numbers and the doctor was in a panic. I went in for ANOTHER ultrasound. This time, they found bleeding and tissue near my right ovary. Two choices: Surgery or a chemotherapy drug injection. I opted for the injection. I have have up to three of them. It should dissolve the remaining tissue without the risk of losing my fallopian tube. I will know if it has started working this Thursday. If it doesn't work, I have to go in for another shot.


It doesn't help that I'm SURROUNDED by pregnant women. My sister-in-law is huge. 3 more months til the twins are here. Jessica is almost 17 weeks. There is a woman at school that is due in 4 weeks. My neighbor's daughter and son are both expecting babies in October. At least 4 other friends or acquaintances are due to have babies this fall. I swear if one more person tells me they're having a baby I may just flip my lid.


I'm so greatful that I have Max and Kendall. Coming home every day to my boys does make things easier than they were before. Everything felt so empty every time we lost a baby before Max. And now I have this smart, adorable, amazing little boy who does things on a daily basis to both frustrate me and make me feel like the most important person in the world. Kendall has been incredibly patient and supportive. I know it's hard for him too, but sometimes that's easy to forget when I'm the one going through the physical as well as emotional stress.


So I'm definitely ready for summer vacation. And a summer of fun with Max. We can't try again until the fall and I plan on spending the next three months swimming, at the park, at the zoo, on any field trip I can think of to keep us happy and busy. We're taking a vacation the third week of June and I want to try and work a second one in once we have a better idea of when Natalie will have the girls. Accentuate the positive. Eliminate the negative.


I end with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs when I'm feeling down. "Sunrise" by Brandon Heath:


All you need is a sunrise


Just a moment of dawn


If you're lost in the twilight


Close your eyes and move on


When you're tired in the waiting


Even though it's gonna take you


A little more time


Just a little more time, the sun's gonna find you