So pregnancy hormones are still trying to leak out and I get these little melt downs every once in a while. Sometimes I feel stupid because I know it's just the hormones and I'm crying for no really good reason. But I felt like today's was totally justified.
My mom took me to the hospital to get Max's billi levels checked again. He's been wearing the UV light and we needed his levels to go under 12 in order to stop the light. It's a real pain in the ass to use because he can't wear it while feeding and you have to make sure to keep it out of his eyes so he doesn't go blind. At night I've been making Kendall get up to check and make sure he's still alive while wearing it.
While at the hospital, I decided to check in with the lactation consultant because my one nipple has started to crack and bleed and I know that can't be right. I wanted to get some suggestions. When she saw it she told me I needed to stop feeding off of it and give it at least 24 hours "rest" and should pump. She called the rental store and they told her they had a pump. So we rush over there because little Max hadn't eaten in like 4 hours. When we get there....no pump. They gave the last one away. ARGH!!!! I leave the store in tears.
On top of that, about a million different parts of my body hurt right now. My boobs, my incision, my right hand from the carpal tunnel, my bottom (TMI ALERT: I have like 50 zits from the stupid diapers they make you wear!!!!), and I was hungry. There wasn't time to eat before we needed to leave for the lab work. So I just couldn't take it anymore and started bawling in the car. I told my mom to take me home because I was a bad mother for letting my kid go over 4 hours without eating and if one more part of my body started to hurt I was going to scream.
We stopped and got Panera to go for lunch and I finally calmed down after eating and feeding Max off the one boob that's ok. My mom is out at Target right now buying the pump I registered for. And my kid is sleeping in my lap on his "Karen blanket" that they brought when they came to visit the other night. Ask Karen about the blanket, it's a cute story. She meant to bring me a "Lisa blanket" but really, in actuality she brought me a Karen one. :)
So after all of the running around and crying and feedings, I'm tired. I'm thinking of curling up on the Karen blanket too and trying to take a nap.....
8 comments:
Billi levels? What are those? (I know you mentioned them in the last blog, too...something about jaundiced babies?).
butt zits? Diapers? huh?
If you ever need to talk with someone about nursing, I can give you my sister, Amy's, contact info. She has 5 kids (one is about 5 months). The number itself is not why I'm mentioning it - rather every kid nursed differently (some more difficult than others) and she had different reactions/issues with each kid. Plus she has had to deal with healthcare workers telling her conflicting stories.
Additionally, if you talk to her during the day after the older two kids are home, you can laugh at the CRAZINESS! Sometimes I'll call just to enjoy all the crazy background noise; some days I have to get off the phone quickly b/c of all the background noise. It's hilarious! A crying baby, and there's bound to be 2 kids in the corner at any given time, plus another asking questions/getting into things, and another one off quiet getting into trouble. Or the 4 of them will be running circles and screaming and laughing.
Anyway, GOOD LUCK! Don't worry about your meltdowns. As you admitted, it's hormonal which means you can't control it. :) Plus, everyone "knows" that pregnant women and new moms, are hyper-hormonal. Remember back 9 months ago? Unfortunately even us non-pregnant/non mothering women will cry due to hormones changing - and that's not nearly as severe as the hormonal fluctuations with pregnancy and childbirth!!
I must say, however, between your babys r us issue and this pump rental dealio, you would think that people who work with/service pregnant women/new moms on a regular basis would be a bit more compassionate and undestanding and helpful. I'm kinda disappointed at that class of people you've experienced. Hopefully most of them are much better.
Hang in there. It does get better. It just doesn't seem like it.
Try some lanolin, if you haven't already, on the nips. Lansinoh is good, imo. You can always talk to me about breast-feeding. I've had some adventures, particularly with pumping. Personally, I think breast-feeding is much easier on boobs than a pump. I hope you got an electric...SO worth the money. We got a decent deal through ebay. (New, of course...sanitary reasons.) I started off with a hand-pump...um, yeah right! Ah, the diapers and ass zits..takes me back, takes me back. I have a nice tub of left over tucks. Booyah. And hormones...they will get better, but it takes time. Your body has been through an upheaval, just remember to be gentle to yourself. By that I mean, you will have days when you feel like the ultimate dumbass mom, but in those moments try to remember that if you really were such a dumbass mom, you wouldn't be worrying about if you were one or not...the real horrible moms wouldn't give their stupidity a second thought. And Max will love you like no other no matter what. :) Cuz he looooves his mama!
I can totally relate to the zit problem. When I had my cyst removed and I had to pack the wound my entire back broke out from the tape and dressing that I had to wear. Gross. But it'll go away.
Sorry to hear so many things hurt. Just looking at that man child should help you feel a little better =).
Can't wait to meet him!!!
I agree with Anne about the lanolin...it'll heal you in no time so lather it on. I don't agree to not nurse on that boob though, it could lead to clogged ducts which hurt even worse than a sore nipple. there are nipple shiels for a few bucks at walmart that allow you to nurse without the rubbing on your skin for when its sore (but they are a bit awkward to use). Breastfeeding is hard, but after a bit you get the hang of it. Check out LLL online forums for tons of helpful info!
Max is a cutie!!!
know what - i love reading these REAL, honest stories. Not just the fun "i'm a perfect parent" ones. Makes the rest of us feel NORMAL too! :) so, thanks for sharing.
and you're not a bad mom. 4 hours won't hurt him.
SHort story: around 1 week Nicole slept for 14 hours straight. wouldn't wake up. wouldn't eat. woudlnt' do anything. i freaked for the same "she's not getting any food and she's going to get dehydrated" reasons. So, i took her to the doctor who sent us to the children's hospital urgent care for tests. nothing was wrong with her. BUT, point of the story, they said that she could have a bottle and it woudln't screw up nursing - they were right! SO, if this happens again, just bottle feed him for once and freeze what you pump for later use (nice to build up that stuff anyway).
My mom said the night I came home from the hospital I slept from 10 at night to 6 in the morning. I can attest that it caused no damage...
I'm with Martha on the questions. I'm also with Karen on appreciating your honest take on this stuff. Good luck & keep at it. I love the pictures so far. :-)
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