My New Year's Reflection

I think the best way to describe 2006 would be the word "rollercoaster". Between my job and Kendall's, and babies, and no babies, and family, it's just been crazy. I'm sure others could say the same, but here's my "rollercoaster" of a year and how I feel about it now.

1. Job- One of the things that I love about my job is the turnover every 9 months. What's really bizarre about this year is that I went from having the worst kids I'd ever taught in the first half of the year, to the best kids I've ever taught in the last half. It makes me feel better about my job because of the turnover rate in kids, and that I really am a good teacher, it just takes kids that are willing to do what you ask to find that out. The second half of 2006 has been a real ego boost for me. I am finally confident in my abilites and the fact that I AM a good teacher.

2. Kendall's job- With his schedule changing every month, sometimes it gets hard to adapt. Some months he was never home, some he was home very late, and others he was home too much! Like my job, Kendall's changed drastically from beginning to end. He went from being a 2nd year grunt worker, to a 3rd year senior. That made his job a lot easier. He went from sleeping in the hospital every 4th night to sleeping in our bed every night. I'm glad that in 6 months much of this will be over and our lives will take another drastic turn for the good. I'm definitely ready to loose our medical school debt, and start to live like some of our friends do who are finished with school.

3. Babies- It was a sad and happy year for us. My sister-in-law gave us the most beautiful niece in the world. I love her so much. And she's such a fun baby. Several other friends also brought little bundles into the world who have also brought joy into my life. It's fun to watch these little babies grow and to see their parents overcome the difficulties of their first few months. It gives me hope that we'll survive them too.

Unfortunately we did not have the same luck as our friends. We went through the struggle of not getting pregnant for 8 months, only to lose our one and only pregnancy of 2006 to my third miscarriage. I am greatful that we have found a new doctor who we have a lot of confidence in and who I truely hope will give us a baby in 2007. I know that over the last year I've lost and gained friends because of this situation. I think it was in part due to the fact that these friends thought that they knew what was best for me and they've never even experienced the heartache I've been through. The hardest part of this whole process is the grief of three miscarriages. The extreme joy and hope that is produced by that postive test, only to be dashed weeks later with a loss is so difficult.

I truely appreciate all of those people who have supported me over the last year and have tolerated my rants and raves and sometimes extreme lows. The best thing a person can do is just listen without judging. Kendall has been the ultimate example of this support over the year. He obviously feels the same frustration and grief that I do over the situation, but there are just some things a man can't understand. Jessica has also been a great support to me. It helps that she lives 3 blocks away and can bring my chocolate ice cream when things get really low, but I feel like the last year has brought us even closer, and she truely feels like my sister and not just my friend. Kendall and those friends who stuck by me through all of this mess are the people I am most greatful for this year.

4. Family- Families in themselves are rollercoasters. There are always highs and lows. I am greatful that my brother and I seem to have at least found a happy medium this year. While I don't think we'll be friend any time soon, I am glad that he has found a way to stay away from drugs and has started putting his life back together. I have had the usual frustration with my parents. In our 20's it is difficult to get along with parents at times, because they still think they know what is best for us. And as liberal as my parents can be, they still feel that need to tell me what they think I should be doing. While advice is appreciated, it must be solicited first. And sometimes parents cross that boundary. I am very greatful to have reconnected with cousins in Florida. I hope that 2007 also brings a closer relationship for us and that we can possibly heal part of the rift that has been created in our small family.

5. Hopes and Goals for 2007- I will have a baby. Whether it is my own biological baby or one we adopt, we will have a child by 2008. I also want to try to stress less about it. While I know it's probably not a very relatistic goal, maybe I'll at least keep more of it out of my blog. I also want to be better about staying in touch with my friends who don't live in town. I don't know why it's easier for me to pick up the phone to call Jessica than it is to call my friends who live farther away. Maybe it's because I can see her whenever I want. I don't know, but my goal is to be a better friend in 2007. And finally, I also need to make a decision about my job. Do I want to continue to work full time or do I want to try and job share? It's a scarey decision to make. Or maybe I just want to be Karen's nanny....*grin*

I know that 2007 will bring another set of great changes to our lives, and I look forward to many of them. I also hope that maybe 2007 will be less of a rollercoaster, and more of a small amusement park ride...hehe.